June 19, 2009

“So you gotta be there for dinner this Sun, it’s Father’s Day.” Mom left an order in my voicemail.

However, every year my father would remind us that he doesn’t care about celebrating the “big day”. He probably feels this way for several reasons: 1) he really doesn’t care; 2) he is embarrassed to be put in the spotlight; 3) he says it just in case we aren’t planning to celebrate. Regardless to dad’s opinion on this, mom always gives us the impression that we are obliged to celebrate Father’s Day because we threw her a party the month before so we should do the same for dad.

It was way easier to celebrate Father’s Day when we were younger. A childish family portrait we drew in school, a song we learned to glorify fatherly love in church, or a dozen jello cups mom made with us, any little thing could cheer my dad up and made him feel important. However, it gets harder to impress parents as they get older. It is not because parents become harder to impress as they age, but kids often find it harder to make time to impress their parents.

We all grew up learning filial piety is a virtue of the great Chinese tradition. I never knew how deeply brainwashed I was by this ideal until I had a conversation with Adam, my Canadian friend.

“So I heard Old Age Security pension was only minimal in Asia?” Adam questioned.
“Yeah, everyone supports their parents as they get old.” I replied.
“Argh, what about those with kids who don’t want to feed their parents? I won’t want my parents to take up a chunk of my salary!” He smirked.

Only then I was struck by the idea that keeping all salary for myself could be an option! My mom has been educating me since childhood that she and dad will claim a fair share, meaning 1/3 of my salary, till my retirement or her rest in peace, whichever day comes first, just like what she did to her parents.

So perhaps there is a reason for my Canadian friend to celebrate Father’s Day. He has no obligation as his father’s son all through the year. And as a filial Chinese daughter, I have been fulfilling my responsibility, monthly, so who cares about Father’s Day?

When I just got home deciding to raise this to my brother and sister, there I saw my old man sitting on a couch looking at our family pictures with a gentle smile. Suddenly this man who has always been invincible looks so delicate. I thought about dad’s sacrifices for us and the support he has given to our family. And it became clear to me why our ancestors thought we should all take care of our parents as they grow old.

So I immediately called my sister, “Let’s get dinner on Father’s Day, and we’ll take care of the bill.”

Happy Father’s Day to all fathers on earth!

Written by: Szenga